What a child needs most

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. -Rudolph Giuliani


I was reflecting today on tradition, and how some things will be the same this year, and how some things will be different. Anyone who knows me, knows that I lost my papa this year. But, in some ways I have lost my grandma too. My grandma has Alzheimer's Disease and lives in a nursing home in Mt. Pleasant Iowa. And, you know what I miss her. My grandma has been in my life as one of my number one people since I was a girl, since I think about the third grade when she came to live with us in Iowa. Sometimes, my grandma would drive me crazy, protecting my mom I suspect from some of the daily grind, she would tell me what to do or direct me in a way I didn't like. But as I have gotten to be a grown up I realize that she was always willing to give me more than she had. She always bought me a cookie in the mall, she frequently gave me cash out of her purse when no one was looking, she drove me to appointments in Burlington, and to synchronized swimming an hour from home every Saturday for two years. My grandma always listened, and I can say with confidence, never judged, she in fact almost never offered her opinion; only her ear. My grandma loaned me her car whenever I asked (and sometimes when I didn't). She never mentioned that I never one time put gas in it. And even much later in life, she loaned me the money to pay for my fiance's wedding ring. My grandma and I went on lots of trips, some with my mom, some without. One of the things she can still remember with some confusion, is our trip to Chicago for my cousin Sue's wedding. There was this moment where we were locked out of the hotel at one of those side entrances. It was pouring rain, just pouring. We were huddled against the doorway trying to protect her newly set hair laughing so hard, I really thought I was going to wet my pants. We made our way in a taxi later that night to see Wicked. I don't really think she liked it as much as me, but she was happy that I was happy.

My grandma was really interesting too. She was a dancer when she was young, in a circus! One time we were at a showing of Miss Saigon in a theater in Chicago, the theater just glorious. Just before the show begins, she says very matter of factly, "I was once in a dance group that performed here, The Kit Kat Club." We just started laughing, because to her it had not been worth mentioning all day long or as we sat there for an hour before the show started. Just an ordinary fact to her, that she had once been a dancer on this stage. It was as if she never really knew, even before the Alzeimer's how beautiful and interesting and fun she was.

She has given me over my lifetime, literally hundreds of beautiful gifts, but every Christmas I enjoy most putting out my collection of Swarofski snowflake ornaments from her. Every year, she would say, are you SURE you want another. And I would say, oh yes, I do. And I'm so glad I have them. My grandma made hundreds and hundreds of cookies for my wedding rehearsal party, even though she could only make them a few at a time in a counter top oven. I'm lucky to have her still, she is still alive, and I can hear her voice. But I just wanted to take a minute and reflect on the things that I miss about her...and also to reflect on how lucky Will is to have my mom. I hope they are friends like my grandma and me and that I have the sense to stay out of the way.