You know its just a hard siutation, when, no matter where you are at, you feel like you should be somewhere else. We were/are very glad to be home. And, even looking forward to seeing some relatives tomorrow night. But as soon as I am home, I long for the re-assuring buzz of the fetal heart monitor and the nurses who watch the feed 24/7. I take heart in the fact that my sister in law is on call at Ottumwa hospital for ultrasound this weekend. So, if I don't feel enough movement she would be there if I went to the ER. But, it is a vicious game to play with yourself, "is Lauren moving, is she moving enough?" I so appreciate all the comments on this blog and also on my FB page. I read each and every one to Joe and they all help, they really do.
On the way home today, the University of Iowa called regarding Joe's health. Since, the two tumors were benign, they now question whether or not they should be removed...and if it is in fact what is causing his eye to droop... So, they want to run more tests. They wanted him to drive to Iowa City yet another day for an MRA of his head and neck. Who knew this was different than an MRI. Not us certainly. They sounded as if I had kicked them in the teeth when I said it wasn't really a priority for us right now. So they consented to Joe doing the MRA in Ottuwma and sending the results to them. I have to admit, that we are afraid of more tests and more digging around, and more terrible hypotheses about what could be going on. So I am trying to see this MRA as a way to rule in or rule out taking out the tumor; and hopeful that this will not lead to ugly hypotheses. I simply can't take it.
It is very very difficult to not look ahead at the logistics of all of this. And to wonder, how we will manage. I once read in a self help book that Life is like driving in the fog...and that if you just go as far as you can see that when you get there, you will be able to see further. I have often lived by this mantra, and have at times only been able to see a few hours in front of me. And I am working hard at just focusing on what I can see and understand and make decisions about. But it is not an easy exericse.
I will not likely update again for fear of wearing out my welcome with the readers =). Assuming that there are no developments, I will go back to the hospital next Tuesday for another blood transfusion. Joe is going to hang back with Will and a friend has graciously said she will take the day off of work in DM to be with me. I am not afraid of the procedure itself; not at all. There is always going to be the chance of the decision to go ahead and take the baby..but that is beyond the fog for tonight.
Thinking of each of you, and knowing you all have your own stressors this time of year. Greatful for your friendship.
Liz
1 comment:
Liz and Joe, My prayers and thoughts have been with you during this whole time. Thank you for your updates on this site. I know it is hard to keep retelling everything over and over and this is a nice way to keep us informed. Remember you will be able to handle whatever God's plan is for you, it is just the unknown that is hard to live with!! It sounds like you are in good hands in Des Moines! Susan W.
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