January 26 check up

It was a confusing morning. Should we venture to Des Moines for my checkup despite the trecherous roads; if we waited were we risking Lauren's health? So Joe and I pushed on together to Des Moines. He promised if he was scared, he would turn around, I am always scared in bad weather.

Ultrasound, non stress test, heart rates, complicated numbers I still do not understand all indicate that our daughter is doing just fine. She is now 4 lbs and 13 oz, a long ways from the 2 lbs where we started a month ago. At 35 weeks they are still hoping to wait until Feb 12 to deliver her. She may not go to the NICU after all. The fluid is gone, her anemia still managed. She may require a transfusion after birth, she may not.

Dr Hwang took our picture as a momento for the baby book. The fact that he made the subtle promise that there will be a baby book is priceless.
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February 12 will be Lauren's birhday!

Yesterday my mom went with me to my appointment in Des Moines. It was so good to have her with me for what turned out to be a day of good news. The doctor indicated that Lauren looks great from their tests, and that no transfusion is necessary this week! I will still go back each week to check to make sure that things look good, and to assess whether or not transfusions are or are not necessary each week. They did not measure her for weight this week, so at last check she was one ounce shy of four lbs. They will measure her next week. Meanwhile, they went ahead and set a delivery date of February 12. We are excited that because she is doing well, they are going to push her to wait until 37 weeks. They will do an amniocentesis the day before to make sure that her lungs are ready. They have given me a steroid shot to help with that early lung development. I feel so relieved and so happy that the worries keep falling away. I was so blind sided by the inital bad news, that I almost feel reluctant to allow the fear to subside. But, each day, I feel more like myself and more and more excited about meeting my daughter. My mom and I picked up a couple of premie outfits for Lauren yesterday, and celebrated with a couple slices of cheese cake! A good good day.

The relief of worrying less..

Tuesday was such a positive outcome at the hospital. The fact that Lauren now weighs 3 lb 15 oz, and still has 3 weeks to grow before she is delivered at 36 weeks. The fact that they promised to set a C section date next week, which helps in the grand scheme of planning...the fact that Dr. Wang said she has made great progress, and that he thinks perhaps transfusion number 4 could be the last one...all of it is such a relief. Than why is it I am so tired now all of a sudden? It would seem that all of the energy it took to put on a brave face and to put one foot in front of the next was keeping me going. It seems that while there will still be some moments ahead that are scary, that for the most part things are going to be OK. And that information is so re-assuring...and yet it allows me for the first time to feel truly tired.

Transfusion 4

Today really went great! The transfusion, though painful today, went perfectly! Again greatful to Bethany for keeping me company all day long! I was very excited to learn that Lauren has gained 1 lb and now is 3 lb 15 oz! The doctor sent me home this evening to rest tomorrow, but at home. There is some hope that I won't have to do transfusions next week or the week after, but we will have to wait and have an ultrasound to check next week in order to know for sure. They are planning to deliver at 36 weeks. A good and hopeful day!
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Transfusion #3

I drove up this AM on my own, and was ever so glad to see the hospital. It is a long ride in the dark alone. Post car accident makes me afraid at times when I'm driving.

Bethany was able to help me pass the time today while we waited for the transfusion. She made the hours go quickly. I was glad to get some encouraging texts from friends.

Mercy hospital provides me with the exact same nurses every week. They already feel like old friends.

The transfusion went well. I tried to do it with no pain killer, but that didn't work out. The baby was bleeding a little afterwards, so they will check to make sure it is clotting a little later. Meanwhile lay STILL!

Dr indicated they would contine every week through January with transfusions.

I'm 31 weeks and 5 days now. Laurens fluid was gone in her belly and still some around her heart. Heart still has some thickening they would like to see gone.

Very tired today, perhaps the lack of sleep this week is catching me.


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Quick run to the ER

Yesterday was such a long day "listening" for Lauren to move. It just didn't seem to me that she was. My doctors and nurses in DM are so wonderful, and so I called them. They sent me over to the ER in Ottumwa. They checked her heart, and Dr. Coleman was there to call me doll and re-assure me that it was OK. And, with those few words I was able to move on and enjoy the evening and sleep a solid 8 hours. We all needed it.

And finally home...

You know its just a hard siutation, when, no matter where you are at, you feel like you should be somewhere else. We were/are very glad to be home. And, even looking forward to seeing some relatives tomorrow night. But as soon as I am home, I long for the re-assuring buzz of the fetal heart monitor and the nurses who watch the feed 24/7. I take heart in the fact that my sister in law is on call at Ottumwa hospital for ultrasound this weekend. So, if I don't feel enough movement she would be there if I went to the ER. But, it is a vicious game to play with yourself, "is Lauren moving, is she moving enough?" I so appreciate all the comments on this blog and also on my FB page. I read each and every one to Joe and they all help, they really do.

On the way home today, the University of Iowa called regarding Joe's health. Since, the two tumors were benign, they now question whether or not they should be removed...and if it is in fact what is causing his eye to droop... So, they want to run more tests. They wanted him to drive to Iowa City yet another day for an MRA of his head and neck. Who knew this was different than an MRI. Not us certainly. They sounded as if I had kicked them in the teeth when I said it wasn't really a priority for us right now. So they consented to Joe doing the MRA in Ottuwma and sending the results to them. I have to admit, that we are afraid of more tests and more digging around, and more terrible hypotheses about what could be going on. So I am trying to see this MRA as a way to rule in or rule out taking out the tumor; and hopeful that this will not lead to ugly hypotheses. I simply can't take it.

It is very very difficult to not look ahead at the logistics of all of this. And to wonder, how we will manage. I once read in a self help book that Life is like driving in the fog...and that if you just go as far as you can see that when you get there, you will be able to see further. I have often lived by this mantra, and have at times only been able to see a few hours in front of me. And I am working hard at just focusing on what I can see and understand and make decisions about. But it is not an easy exericse.

I will not likely update again for fear of wearing out my welcome with the readers =). Assuming that there are no developments, I will go back to the hospital next Tuesday for another blood transfusion. Joe is going to hang back with Will and a friend has graciously said she will take the day off of work in DM to be with me. I am not afraid of the procedure itself; not at all. There is always going to be the chance of the decision to go ahead and take the baby..but that is beyond the fog for tonight.

Thinking of each of you, and knowing you all have your own stressors this time of year. Greatful for your friendship.

Liz